His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
