who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
