I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
