I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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