He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
