Umm I'm too high to move.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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