dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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