When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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