Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
