I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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