..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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