my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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