ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
