her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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