guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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