Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
