Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
