ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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