people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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