I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
