You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I could fuck to npr.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
