I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
