I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
