he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
