So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
