Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
