you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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