Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
