My brain says no but my pants say off.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
