The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
