Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
