i was born a porn star she said
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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