I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
