New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
