Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
