you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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