I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
