this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
