Pappa wants mamma naked
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
