I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
