Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
