Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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