You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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