I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
