I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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