he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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