He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
