my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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