Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
