it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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