U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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