My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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