Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
