So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
